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It Takes Courage to Want More Years ago, I sat cross legged on a beach, and considered ending my life. I didn't see another choice. I was an honors graduate of Harvard Law School on partnership track at a major law firm. I couldn't bear my day-evening-weekend job, even with its lush paycheck and validation. I couldn't figure out any other options with my frantic analytical mind. I had no sparkling faith or trust in myself, God, the Universe, or even the tooth fairy, back then. You build that faith, when you leap--- not before. So I flew to California and sat on a beach and screamed and cried in my journal. I let out one desperate wail near sunset. This letter is to her with all my love and gratitude.... You wanted an impossible life. You wanted freedom. You wanted to rip off your lawyer clothes and identity and walk on beaches-- on a weekday. You didn't even really know what you wanted. You just knew you wanted to live and that there had to be something more. You thought you were crazy or weak, ridiculous for wanting fairy-dusted Utopia as you saw it, without a plan, without money, without a shred of reasonable possibility. But you wanted it anyway. You wanted it so much, you didn't want to live, if living meant existing in the life you knew, the "responsible" life that did not involve sand in your toes, and being yourself, and not just for a few minutes on the weekends. I remember your wail, your helpless crazy cry. It was as though you fell to your knees and screamed "Uncle." It was in that wail I believe the angels heard "Yes Father, Yes Mother, Yes Universe, Yes Life Energy, Yes Love, Yes, Yes, Yes." You didn't know that saying NO to the only life you knew was saying YES to the life that would come. I have this life now because of your courage and dignity, your commitment to dreams you couldn't even name or devise or plan. I am so grateful. You wanted to be a writer with all your heart, though you considered that forbidden territory, childish and reckless. Well, I want you to know you weren't crazy. You were meant to write, and that desire has saved your life, mine, and probably many others. I wrote a book and it got published by a major New York house and it hit some bestseller's lists and now I'm finishing another. Because of my writing, I have a devoted following of people who want to hear me speak, take workshops with me, and sign up for individual coaching. I travel mostly in the United States, but internationally as well. I led a women's retreat on the whitest sands anywhere on a beach in Mexico and I thought of you, sitting on another beach, in another time, as I led other women to their own sacred freedom. I've taught in the rain forest of Costa Rica, zip lined through a jungle. I visit San Francisco often and hang out with a dear creative brilliant friend, and then visit with other new creative brilliant friends, some of them famous. I wouldn't necessarily call myself famous, but I am known and it's growing, and I have fans, and they think I'm famous, so maybe I am a little. Now you'll love this, because I know it will tickle your writer's heart and the Brooklyn girl in you, eyes clumped with mascara and insecurity, who longed and dreamed of being in Manhattan with good reason to be there. Well, I stay in Greenwich Village, write in artsy coffee shops, and meet my publisher for lunch, not because he's my publisher but because he's my friend. I even take yoga classes at my favorite yoga studio of all time and they know my name, even though I don't live in New York City, I live in Denver, Colorado. Speaking of Colorado, I live under blue skies and consistent sun shine, with trails, mountains, and parking spaces for everyone. I get up when I want to. I make the plans I want to. My life is my own. I probably don't make as much money as some senior partners in the elite law firms on Wall Street, but I'm on my way. I even have people who work for me. Yes, I can pay other people's salaries, all because you chose your silly reckless dreams, you chose to write. I finally feel like I belong in this world. I get to have life-changing conversations with people, almost daily. I meet visionaries and business leaders and actresses and authors and I meditate with them, lecture, and at the most beautiful retreat centers in the country, watch them melt and laugh, and discover and grab their own inspired calling with both hands and one ravenous heart. It's magic. It's breathing. And I am paid for this. I can die with peace in my bones now, because I know I have done something here on earth that matters. I love supporting other creative, visionary, independent thinkers and lovers of humanity. I'm so proud to be using my gifts and time on earth in this way. Here's what I'm trying to say. I'm so grateful you believed in something more. I am so grateful you allowed everything you knew to unravel. I am so grateful you questioned what was available in life. I am so grateful that while you were terrified, you still chose to be different. I am in awe of you, because you knew there was something else and you believed even when it was excruciatingly painful to believe. I am grateful you chose the unknown, because I am living in its abundance. I would have missed this life, if you had gotten yourself under control, buckled down and accepted the status quo. I would have missed this life if you had allowed the pain to weigh in one more ounce than your thinnest hope, and you had ended it all instead of begun it all. I am terrified that others out there might not realize they have a choice or that their pain is not a lack in them, but their own flare of unexpressed wild beauty, creativity, heightened potential and the golden-eyed jaguar that resides within them. It motivates me to keep sharing. I don't want someone to stop believing on my watch. I don't want someone to believe in someone else's truth (or illusion) more than their own. I read recently a quote by JK Rowling, beloved author of Harry Potter. She said that she believed that success came to her, not because of her abilities but because of her choices. Again, I am grateful to all parts of myself that chose this journey over and over, because it has required choosing over and over again. I am living this life because of every one of your decisions, every single second, through doubt, exhaustion and dim determination; I am so grateful. I wanted you to know that. * * * I hope you will write a letter like this to your precious self now or someday, because you deserve it. Writing it will also help you own your choices and the wonders you've already allowed yourself to experience. It's terrifying to walk into the unknown. But sometimes, it's more terrifying not to. Love and blessings,
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UPCOMING EVENT HIGHLIGHTS: As always, please visit our Calendar page for a complete and up-to-date listing of events. We are always adding events: http://www.awakeningartistry.com/calendar.html Do you have friends and family in any of these areas? Please considering sharing this information with them. In our ongoing mission to give people permission to live their authentic and creative lives, we are always looking for new groups to talk to. If you have a group or know of a group that would be interested in hosting Tama, please let us know. Much of how we reach and create community is through miracles like you! June 2010
AUGUST 13-15, 2010 Join us at the world-famous Omega Institute for Holistic Studies in Rhinebeck, New York (there is a shuttle from Manhattan). Omega's healing lakeside facility is set on 195 acres of rolling hills, meditative gardens, surrounded by woodlands. It's a walker's paradise and a healing place to slow down, relax, and breathe. For complete information, download an event flyer:
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Do you feel stuck in your career? Wish you could start a business, take time out, dive into your art---and pay the bills? Your wildest dreams are not frivolous. They are your source for inspired abilities and explosive direction, and in uncertain economic times, true passion is your greatest security.
Come join Tama and experience moving past fears and confusion, to uncover and thrive in your authentic calling. As a former corporate Harvard Law School-trained attorney, turned writer and international teaching catalyst, she has personally walked the path of creative and unconventional success. In a synergistic and supportive environment, you will work through the inspired and practical strategies she's used to help thousands world-wide to discover and live their true work. |
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